aarnold

Short story "I Like the Day" published

2009-10-16T11:51:33Z

Everyday Weirdness has published my short story I Like the Day as the October 11th entry.

Short story "Man With the Masonic Girdle" published

2009-09-13T09:22:38Z

Issue #7 (Яevolution) of Ruthless Peoples Magazine contains my short story "Man With the Masonic Girdle". Click to Download Issue #7 as a PDF.

According to the editor's Reader Guidance:

Sexual and scatological content. Strong stuff all round, really.

I'm not sure what either of those words mean, but consider yourself warned.

"Always Take a Survival Kit" published

2009-09-13T08:42:03Z

The good people at the Infinitas Bookshop have published my flash story "Always Take a Survival Kit" (or just "Survival Kit" to its friends) in the August 2009 newsletter.

Direct link (PDF): Infinitas August 2009.

Couple of Kaleidotrope #4 reviews

2008-07-18T11:00:25Z

A couple of reviews of the Kaleidotrope issue that included my story "Word Count: Negative 1":

From Rich Horton at SF Site:

Stories I enjoyed in particular include Ashley Arnold's clever and surrealistic short-short "Word Count: Negative 1" (there are a few more words than that in the story, but not too many more!)

And Sam Tomaino at SF Revu:

...This is followed by Ashley Arnold's "Word Count: Negative 1," which really defies any description. This one did not work for me.

Who wouldn't want their lollies to relax the bowels?

2008-05-28T10:44:28Z

Outside the train station this morning some dudes were handing out Ricola lollies. I took a couple and looked over the ingredients list. Not only is there aspartame and several other unpronouncable but wholesome sounding compounds, what I found to be the kicker was:

Excessive consumption: may induce laxative effects

Yum!

Can you say "Buy Shares in Home Brewery Companies"?

2008-05-03T13:39:35Z

Call to lift beer and wine taxes by 300pc.

I have to say I support this call, since in the entire history of humanity, making substances harder to get has always been successful in reducing their popularity and abuse, hasn't it? Take prohibition, for example...

Word Count -1 published in Kaleidotrope

2008-04-21T12:30:44Z

My story "Word Count -1" has been published in Issue 4 (April 2008) of Kaleidotrope. It's even got my name on the front (higher resolution cover image).

Classic Said-Bookism — Almost Missed It

2008-04-13T05:10:15Z

I bought a cheap copy of The Complete Sherlock Holmes from a seconds bookshop a while back, and started reading it a couple of nights ago.

Halfway through A Study in Scarlet I almost missed this gem:

“Wonderful!” I ejaculated.

It’s a classic example of a said-bookism — the act of using any and every verb other than “he said” to describe speech.

Since the eyes tend to pass over and ignore speech attributions (as I proved to myself while reading this story), I almost missed Watson ejaculating in front of Holmes.

The Fix reviews the End of Time anthology

2008-04-09T11:01:34Z

Nicole McClain has reviewed Triangulation: End of Time at The Fix.

Regarding my story, once again it's the titles that demand comment:

The title and its significance of Ashley Arnold’s “Time’s Arrow is Not Your Enemy” shifts as the reader progresses through the story. If I were a typesetter or an editor, I would probably find this quite distracting. As I’m neither, I thought it added to the fun.

Summing up the anthology as a whole:

The best thing about Triangulation: End of Time is its breadth. With 20 authors offering up their personal takes on “the end,” each story is distinctive, and the whole is well worth a read, especially on a rainy or snowy winter afternoon.

Free postage for Shadow Plays

2008-04-09T10:38:15Z

The Shadow Plays anthology has free postage for copies bought online shipping to an Australian address (until the end of May 2008).

Eppie nomination

2008-04-07T11:17:27Z

This came in the mail the other day:

"A Time To...", the anthology that contained my story New Beginning, got nominated for an Eppie award in the Fantasy section.

Submission systems

2008-03-16T04:44:05Z

I tried to register at Wrong World to submit a story. Unfortunately, despite registering a couple of times, I couldn't get their website to let me log in. Since the only way to submit is via the website, I guess I won't be submitting. Oh well — one of the dangers of rolling your own submission system I suppose, rather than using email or an online form.

I've noticed that a few markets for short fiction use the "log in to submit" mechanism now, which I'm still not sold on. It seems to be a general trend across all websites though. An increasing percentage of sites (in all domains) want you to register and log in before you can do anything, a trivial task if you only have to do it once, but annoying when you've got dozens (hundreds?) of username/password combinations to manage.

An Oral Biography

2008-02-29T12:41:16Z

Reading "Rant" by Chuck Palahniuk. The book is subtitled "An Oral Biography of Buster Casey". As I'm reading, I'm wondering why for an "oral" book people aren't going down on each other at all...and then all of a sudden, they are.

Forgotten Worlds is no more

2008-02-23T06:04:40Z

UK magazine Forgotten Worlds has ceased publication.

Unfortunate for me personally since they had accepted my story Choice Mama for publication (a long, long time ago now, an indication I suppose that all was not well).

Score one point for "faith in humanity"

2008-02-18T10:27:40Z

I was out riding yesterday and got a flat. I asked a random guy on the street if he knew where a phone box might be, so I could ring home to get a ride. He offered his mobile phone for me to use.

I owe a random stranger one mobile phone call, in carmic terms.

Now all I have to do is get a phone...

Penalty clauses in bank loans

2008-02-08T11:58:27Z

From an article in The Australian today:

The Government would soon announce a "range of tools" that would force [the banks] to cut exit fees

That's weird. I thought the vigorous and efficient "competition" between the banks is all consumers need to get the best possible deal. Our banks would never stoop to anti-competitive behaviour purely to make a quick buck at the expense of their valued customers. They would not, I tell you.

Let's not mention that 30-40% of the cost in changing loans is due to government stamp duty.

The Coil has been released

2008-02-06T11:41:01Z

The Longest Coil has been released.

Consume wisely.

Workers' Paradise review

2008-02-03T11:30:11Z

There was a review of the Workers' Paradise anthology posted in October 2007 on the Australian Specfic in focus website. Forgot to put a link to it.

My story in the anthology is called Milk Across the Nation. It has cows. Simon Petrie writes:

In “Milk Across the Nation”, by Ashley Arnold, Daisy the cow proves herself quite the agricultural troublemaker, reminiscent of Monty Python’s Harold the clever sheep. Jim, the farmer whose misfortune it is to have Daisy on his dairy farm, struggles in the face of bovine industrial action. A nice comic-tinged story, although the ending seemed a little too pat.

Do I detect a cow poo pun in there?

The monkeys are roaming

2008-01-26T08:43:32Z

Someone (other than my mum, who has to like me due to genetics [1]) has enjoyed one of my stories:

I haven't read any Leiber, but this plot description reminded me of a
funny short I recently read:
Gernsback's Monkeys by Ashley Arnold
<http://pandora.nla.gov.au/pan/10063/20080119-0000/www.antisf.com/stories/story08.html>

Only, it's genetically modified monkeys employed to write interesting sf
stories, & cannot, until...

This is from a post by Dorothy J Heydt on the rec.arts.sf.written newsgroup. Even though Dorothy hasn't read anything by Fritz Leiber, my name has been associated with his in a public forum. I will humbly accept that as some kind of affirmation.

[1] For reference, my mum's official opinion of my writing is: "Why do you write all that rot [2]?"

[2] Any other synonym for rot, such as "rubbish", "nonsense" or "applesauce" [3] could be used here.

[3] For reference, my mum has never used the word "applesauce" in relation to my writing. Applesauce came from thesaurus.com.

The monkey gets a gleam in his eye...

2008-01-16T10:37:23Z

Short story "Gernsback's Monkeys" published in Issue 116 of AntipodeanSF.

Interesting side note to this story: A different publication rejected it, one the reasons being "suggest using something other than a genetically enhanced fruit as boss". For a while I couldn't work out how anyone could confuse the boss with a piece of fruit. I've worked it out now, since it's all in how you interpret "work for" (as "work for pay" or "work for an employer"). Have a read and see what you think.

Google strikes again: another End of Time review

2008-01-06T10:59:09Z

From a review of the Triangulation: End of Time anthology at The Harrow by Dru Pagliassotti:

Also, don't forget to pay attention to the running heads on each page of Ashley Arnold's story "Time's Arrow Is Not Your Enemy." What exactly was that story called, again?

The changing title thing seems like a talking point at least. (Dru, in case you ever find your way here, I can answer your question with confidence: the official title of Time's Arrow is Not Your Enemy is "Gigantic Porpoises are Humanity's True Enemy and Will Devour Us All". Although the official title sounds like it needs to finish up with an exclamation mark, I resisted the temptation. Barely.)

...and another one

2007-12-09T09:53:55Z

Triangulation review at Whispers of Wickedness, I quoth:

Sandwiched between [D.K. Latta’s and Matthew Johnson’s stories] is Ashley Arnold’s jokey Time’s Arrow Is Not Your Enemy, which sneakily changes its title at the top of each page, but ultimately doesn’t stick in the mind.

...just like the best kinds of contagious disease.

Tracked down another review of Time's Arrow

2007-12-02T03:50:39Z

Found another review of the Triangulation: End of Time anthology by one Charles Packer at www.sci-fi-online.com.

The pertinent bit about my effort:

Time's Arrow is not your Enemy by Ashley Arnold is another time travel story, though this time with a warning to the possible consequences of this technology. Well written with a nice injection of wit to carry the story forward.

Which is kind of weird, because I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm warning against, but hey, it's all good.

Ultimate Recycling

2007-11-25T03:05:21Z

It’s time for the annual hard rubbish collection in my suburb, where you get to toss out the bulky stuff that won’t fit in your regular bin. I put a whole heap of junk out on the footpath, and within fifteen minutes (literally), anything with an exposed cord had been neutered and two old computer boxes taken.

It’s great that people can find worth in stuff that is essentially worthless (the computers were way too old to even contemplate selling), but it leaves me wondering what the scavengers get out of cutting the cords off everything. (Is it for the few grams of copper wire contained within?)

The Great Election of Our Times

2007-11-19T10:07:43Z

The actions of both major parties in the current federal election “campaign” remind me of kids in a schoolyard arguing with “I know you are, I said you are, but what am I” over and over again.

Both have engaged in fear and smear campaigns: flinging shit at each other, rather than giving people useful information about what they will do when they’re elected (which is all pretty much irrelevant anyway, since promises are not binding and the government’s ability to affect anything is eroding faster than the contents of a sieve full of diarrhoea. If John Howard had any power over “the economy” — now controlled by dark forces such as global corporations and our alien overlords and whatnot — would he have let interest rates get to where they are?)

The whole episode would be funny in a macabre kind of way, if we weren’t all paying for the advertising.

Imagine if Howard and Rudd were schoolkids doing their little campaigns in the schoolyard, slapping each other on the lapels of their smart jackets and pulling each other’s eyebrows as they hurled their insults.

They’d be prime targets for every bully within earshot.

The only thing that could save Howard from a beat down would be a tailored Peter Costello arriving with a wad of fifties to unroll and tuck into the shirt pockets of the bullies (“You didn’t see nothin’”).

The only thing that could save Rudd would be the appearance of Peter Garrett, whose immediate breakout into interpretive dance would confuse and demoralise the bullies, who would be forced to run away screaming. (“Look at the way this guy’s dancing — he’s crazy or something. Let’s get out of here”).